The X Factor‘s first live show kicked off tonight, with host Steve Jones unceremoniously cutting off Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and company in order to keep the show clocking in at under the entire lifespan of Benjamin Button. And two and a half hours later (no, really, my DVR couldn’t record Chopped tonight – hashtag furious), the original group of 17 X Factor contestants were narrowed down to a paltry 12 acts (not including the Duggar family reunion tribute band known as InTENsity).Among those lost:Phillip Lomax for the boys, whose cheesy Francisco Sinatra shtick was old before I even knew who this kid was.The Brewer Boys, who are trying hard to be Hanson. You, baby sirs, are no Hanson.Dexter Haygood, who frankly shouldn’t have even made it this far, despite the fact that we were all rooting for him. Now he’s on my sh*tlist forever for butchering Britney.Tia Tolliver, whose teeth were “tolliver” her mouth.             andSimone Battle, who certainly fit the mold of “pop star,” but just couldn’t outsing our 21st Century Shirley Temple.While the cast-offs were all gracious and pretty put-together during their short and sweet goodbye speeches — thank you producers for not making us sit through home videos of them singing at their Hanukkah recitals while their parents cry in the audience — Simone really went the extra mile, using her stage time in front of America to tell us that her new single “He Likes Boys” would be released tonight. Hmm… interesting timing. Would the single have been released today anyway? Or was the plan always to put the song out once she was eventually ousted?And more importantly: Who cares? What really matters is that the song is called “He Likes Boys,” a straight-forward (gay-forward?) simple song that most woman have identified with at one time or another. That great guy, handsome, funny, charm to spare and oh, is that a Chanel tote? Fashion forward! He’s gay you guys. Here’s the video featuring Simone moonwalking away from her prospective non-lover while he works on his Bruno Mars GIF Tumblr. Presenting your eff hag theme song of 2011: