It’s been a long time since I had a movie-going experience as weird and wonderful as There Will Be Blood (apparently other people DON’T giggle like schoolgirls when a priest gets beaten to death with a bowling pin. Go figure.). Drive comes close. In any case, my man panties have been moist for Paul Thomas Anderson’s The Master since it was announced. It stars Joaquin Phoenix, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Amy Adams, and supposedly it’s an allegory for Scientology, but I doubt you’ll hear anyone admit that unless they like getting sued. Scientology is everywhere, man. Don’t piss them off. Just look what they did to John Travolta when he tried to leave– (*gets thrown in a black duffel bag by men in black suits, van speeds away*)A 1950s-set drama centered on the relationship between a charismatic intellectual known as “the Master” [Philip Seymour Hoffman] whose faith-based organization begins to catch on in America, and a young drifter [Joaquin Phoenix] who becomes his right-hand man.“Young man, do you ever feel like you’re just drifting from one place to another with no direction? Like you’re just sleep-Joaquin through life?”Seriously though, I’m going to see this so hard my eyes scream the safety word.