Monday Jul 11 2011

I’ve recently discovered that my husband was cautioned for kerb-crawling and when I tackled him about it, he admitted he had been with prostitutes too.

I feel absolutely numb and horrified and after 12 years of marriage, it seems I don’t know my husband at all.

We have two children and much as I feel like divorcing him, the children would lose so much if I did. We have a great home and lifestyle which we couldn’t sustain even if he were to pay me generous maintenance.

If only he would discuss things with me, I might be able to understand and come to terms with it all but the problem is, he just won’t talk about it. BC

FIONA SAYS: ENCOURAGE HIM TO TALK ABOUT HIS PROBLEMS

The material things in your marriage — the house, cars and lifestyle — are all very well but if you have no self-esteem left they are not going to mean much.

I suspect you are feeling you want more from him than the depth of his wallet but you are not sure whether to leave him for the sake of the children.

His refusal to talk about his behaviour is the biggest problem here. It makes any kind of progress difficult.

Even though he won’t talk about it, I think you have to make him listen.

Make him understand that the price of your marriage is his seeking counselling and help — from Relate or other marriage-guidance services.

If not, remember his failure to face up to the problem is risking not only your happiness but your health too.